Dear Straight Person:

Would you please stop referring to me as your friend? I’ve been meaning to ask you not to do it for awhile. I put it off at first because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I tried to make it clear by ignoring you and avoiding eye contact. Then I heard you tell someone that we’re friends, again, and I’m all, like, “What, your friend? Really?”

So, for the record, I’m not your friend. Don’t make it complicated. It’s very simple: if you don’t believe I should have the right to marry the adult of my choice, we simply don’t have the basis for a friendship. Period.

I’m sure you understand.

Oh, wait. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to interrupt. It’s just that I don’t need to hear all of the reasons your religion gives you or your non-peer reviewed research or the research you take out of context or the lies people made up that you bought into without bothering to think about whether or not they were true. I don’t need your sorry ass excuse for love either. Thanks, though.

It’s fine if it makes you feel better. I’m just not gonna listen to it. Why? Well, the main reason is because it’s horse shit.

No, I do listen to reason, like it quite a bit really, but it has to actually be reasonable for me to enjoy it.

Things probably won’t change that much between us. I’ll smile to be polite as I offer you a ride to the polls. I’ll help you out with neighborhood clean up days. I’ll work alongside you at church. I’ll register you to vote and convince others to help you if your rights are being violated. I mean, I have to work for the common good. Not doing that just because I don’t like you is stupid.

We’re clear then? We’re not friends? Great.

So before you open your mouth again for that conversation; you know, the one that starts, “I love my gay friends, but…,” and then you go on to talk about how we shouldn’t be allowed to marry someone we are attracted to or shouldn’t have access to the same rights, responsibilities, and benefits as every other married couple, or shouldn’t be parents and how our children should remain bastards all of their life– right, that one– before you start that conversation, remember our little talk, okay?

Just to be on the safe side, why don’t you practice it with me: “I don’t have gay friends. I don’t have gay friends. I don’t have gay friends.” See, that’s not so hard.

Not your friend,


This letter is in response to this bit of news we got today:

Los Angeles stops issuing marriage licenses to gay couples

The Los Angeles County Registrar’s Office stopped issuing same-sex marriage licenses after a majority of voters approved a ballot measure to eliminate the right of gay couples to marry, the agency said Wednesday.

Voters in California, Arizona and Florida weighed in on constitutional bans on same-sex marriage.

As of 11:30 p.m. ET, 52 percent of voters had approved California’s Proposition 8, with 99 percent of precincts reporting.

The amendment to the state constitution overrides a state Supreme Court ruling in May that legalized same-sex marriage.

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13 Comments on “Dear Straight Person:”

  1. chouchou Says:

    Well, then, since we’re not friends, perhaps you can now stop seeking my approval? Perhaps you can move on, enjoy your life with the domestic partner of your choice, enjoying all the rights and privileges of marriage without the actual moniker, without trying to force me to acknowledge that your union is the moral equivalent of mine.

    Fortunately, I do have gay friends that are a little more open minded and tolerant than you. They will remain my friends.

  2. Troy Says:

    I have no need of your approval. I need equality for my family. DP benefits are not equal.

    Those people are not your friends. If you think anyone you consider to be your moral inferior would be, you are delusional.

  3. adamj Says:

    I am guessing that ‘open-minded and tolerant’ are not adjectives that get applied to chouchou very much.

    I find it interesting that ‘chouchou’ in Chinese can mean, depending on how you pronounce it, ugly, or foul, malodorous… which is quite appropriate for the small-minded drivel spewed from your side… and your ‘morally-superior’ unions.

    It’s sad that during a time when Americans finally show some welcome good judgment in electing Obama, that we seem to be taking 2 steps back. Arkansas is not surprising of course, can’t swing a dead-cat down there without hitting some hate-filled redneck, but I was bummed to hear about California.

  4. sunstarer Says:

    As much as I was ecstatic about Obama’s victory, I was simultaneously ashamed of my fellow voters in Arkansas. I really am sorry. And while I can’t say that I fully understand how you feel, I would ask you to keep in mind that the positive influence of couples like you and John do more, in my opinion, to break down the walls of prejudice and ignorance than anything else. And, for that, I am thankful.

  5. Jennie Says:

    I agree with David. You and John broke down walls of ignorance for me that I didn’t even know were up.

    And I’ll never understand Arkansas. No to adoptive parents but yes to lottery??

  6. Eric Says:

    What a buzz kill. I was also basking in the warmth of living in a blue state and Obama’s victory overall when I heard the news about California on the radio, and then Arkansas.

    I’ve not hit the angry point yet. I’m just sad. I’m just so sad.

    This weekend I’ll be attending the wedding of one of my closest friends. Straight weddings can sometimes really get me down, but my friend Meredith is one of the most supportive, open-minded, loving people I know. I’m pretty sure I sat watching ‘Queer as Folk’ with her mother before I even came out to my family. We really do have many true friends out there.

    Like Sunstarer says, think of all of the positive influences you and John have. You are both tremendous role models for Chris and me.

    Love you.

  7. Susan Says:

    I was really sad when I heard this news because of my mom’s niece Teresa and her partner of nearly 15 years now.
    And I 3rd what Jennie & David said. Its true that couple like you break down walls.
    Don’t ever give up your fight.

  8. Jennie Says:

    i vote that we give turd sandwiches to all appropriate parties.

  9. catch Says:

    btw that was me that typed that ^ not Jennie…

  10. Troy Says:

    Glad to hear it J. Nobody makes better turd sandwiches than you (I love that WordPress is spell checking “turd” as I write this). Though, you’ll probably need Jennie’s help. There are plenty that need to be served.

  11. Jackie Says:

    In a week of such stunning and encouraging forward thinking by the electorate in this country, it is impossible for me to reconcile the success of Prop 8 into that atmosphere. I feel sorry for chouchou’s “friends”. They must not have much self-respect if they need friends like her.

  12. […] « Dear Straight Person: […]

  13. Cindy Says:

    Hey Troy!

    I ran across “Dear Straight Person:” quite by accident. God! What a treat! I was stuck inside my own head, having a really crappy day, by choice of course, and there you were! You’re just as honest as I like to be, and less offensive than I usually am. Very, very cool. As long as you’re writin’, I’m readin’.

    My best to you and yours,

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